Put It Out There

In this world driven by Facebook, Blogs, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social media it is so easy to wrap ones self worth up into what other people think. (OK, I had a problem with this long before these came to pass, but that's another post!) How many Likes you get on something, somehow deems it worthy. How many Page Views, give a sense that people care. Someone Pins your post and you're cool. You get Tweeted and all of a sudden your words matter. It is a very confusing world. Texts are misconstrued. Email cannot show emotion. Emojicons sometimes just don't have the right face or image to depict what you're feeling. And... we all still try our best to use these communication tools in our fast paced world.

The balance of it can be challenging. I have seen friends leave certain social media because of the ability it has to take over their life (I, too, have left). It is a challenge to not get wrapped up in what people do or do not say, repost, like or even acknowledge what I contribute through these medium. There is this false sense of connection between people. I can know many details of your life, but not know what they all really mean to you. I can attempt to decipher your thinking and feeling, how things are going in your life, and how your marriage and kids really are, but I will invariably be wrong. These are simply assumptions based on perceptions. I cannot know what is really going on for someone unless I ask. I can guess, and I can be wrong.

The false sense of connection that is caused my the input of all the information we receive, faces we see and posts we read is a sad reality of our world. I struggle to not want to leave all of them all together. Then, I speak to one person that read something I wrote or I see updates sent out to entire groups of friends and family on a child that was severely injured and my heart begins to see the good in social media. I find some great math resource and new ideas to help one of my kids, or I read a blog about a mom struggling with similar things as I am, and I feel comfort - I am not so alone.

I believe the danger is when I allow the vast exposure to other people and information to be my only source of connection. It is dangerous if I convince myself, "I have seen my friends, because I am online!" Face-to-face or (when not possible) over-the-phone connections cannot be replaced with exclusive online formats. I need these real-life reminders that I am not alone, and that people can hear me. I need to see and know my people, and be seen and known in return. Sometimes it is easier to allow myself to be seen through these outlets, and I have to learn to be vulnerable enough to, also, allow people to see me in life outside the computer, smartphone or hand-held device.

Blessings on the Journey!

Do This, Not That!

I have always been drawn to the books (and now, apparently, games and website) offering options for eating or grocery shopping. I have one that goes through various products in the grocery store and offers suggestions for the "best" option while shopping. It is a much gentler approach to eating, and I also need that sort of support in actions.

I have been working with herbs, yoga and (now) acupuncture to help with a sweet little diagnosis of PMDD. In short, what this means is major PMS. My lows were so extreme I would not want to get out of bed or would want to go to sleep around 8 PM at night. My highs (ha, that sounds funny when referring to anger) were insane. I was reacting all over the place, cursing and yelling - raging. These emotional points would only last a few days, and then I'd go back to my somewhat-normal self. It was very confusing for my body (and my family). I sought help and began supplementing some herbs that helped dramatically with the depression-type drops. OK, it wasn't all gone, but I could get some space between my feelings and now it's usually one night of "woe is me," and I simply observe the feelings and acknowledge that my hormones are dictating that, and go to bed early.

The yoga has helped, as well, with the physical issues of cramping and major pain. I practice very specific practices for the female cycle and have found great relief and ease.

The last part, is not really something anyone wants to talk about. Anger and rage are not pretty. The reactivity that I was (and am still) struggling with would come at any moment and without warning. There was (is) no gradual build and... an explosion; it just happens. When I began acupuncture, I began to see some new shifts and felt grateful. I am okay with an occasional outburst, but having multiples a day, days before my cycle is to start, is not ideal for me. I do not want to believe the lies I was taught in my teens that PMS is just a time when your crabby and mean, and that cramps and pain are normal. I have seen the power and beauty of the female cycle and know it does not have to be a miserable anticipation every month - it is a beautiful opportunity as a woman.

Yesterday, I had such a day that I am not thrilled with. We are only days into our new homeschool year and we have quite a bit going on. We have some pretty big transitions and big feelings around our house. Ad slammed a door (for the second time this week) that had a small board over the top (for placement later) and it fell to the ground with a loud thwack! I was helping Cam with some math (which is already a challenge for all involved). I spun around and yell a profanity and her name, with exclamation! She ran off to her room and hid in the crack between her bed and wall. Strike One.

Later, we were taking our bikes out to meet friends to ride. Cam was complaining that her back wheel was not turning. I was standing perplexed in the driveway, trying to figure out why it was doing this. All the while, she is talking on and on about what she thinks is wrong with it, trying to figure it out. "There's buildup on the tire. There's buildup on the chain. Maybe it's this..." I got so frustrated that I spun around and yelled, "Just shut up!" Strike Two.

So this is a big post for me to write. I do not want to world to know that I speak to my children like this. I know I am not a perfect mom, but I want you all to think I am pretty darn close. That being said, I also want to be a better mom. I want to grow and acknowledge my struggles. I want to work past my hormones (that all medical professionals tell me are within normal range). I see this is something I am actively working on and I  accept that I am human and will never be perfect (ok, maybe I don't fully accept that yet, but the Universe keeps reminding me, so maybe I'll learn soon).

This morning, in my quiet time (which is imperative for me every morning!), I decided to write a Do This, Not That for each of these instances, so that next time (because someone will slam a door again and bikes will have issues again) I have another phrase to go to. Here is what I came up with:

For Ad: "Whoa! That scared me!" and proceed to come to the hall to address why she is so angry. - acknowledge my feeling of shock.

For Cam: (internal) *Deep breath* I really want to help fix this bike and need some quiet to think about what is going on. 
To her: "I'm guessing you're really nervous about your back wheel not turning on your bike and you'd really like it to work properly so you can go ride with your friends. Is that right?" *wait* If I am correct say, "I really want to help fix this issue. Would you be willing to give me a few minutes with your bike so I can explore this alone?" - empathize with myself FIRT, then go to empathy for her.

Now, I get to make amends to my kids for how I reacted. When I do this, it helps me be accountable to the way I want to act, rather than justifying actions I do not want in my life.

Do you have some examples of Do This, Not That in your life? How have these worked out for you?

Blessings!