eat, pray, love - reflections

Today I heard from Liz some great truth for me. She saw all this in India. Things I have wanted for so long to experience and feel within myself, she expressed so beautifully here as she sat on a roof of an ashram in India.

Steps to Freedom
1. Life's Metaphors are God's Instructions
2. You have just climbed up to the top of the roof. There is nothing between you and the infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending, it's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something that else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. You're wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God's response. Let go and watch the stars come out - on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart ask for grace and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, forgive yourself and let them go.
7. Let you intention be freedom from useless suffering, then let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the Karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let go.
10. When the pass has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life with great joy.

These words really hit me. Just after this she writes, "As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul. Even one puff of it is bad for you."

This week I have been striving to forgive others and let go. To forgive myself and let go. The imagery I have with Liz's experience is so vivid. I can almost feel myself on that roof amidst a black sky filled with stars popping out one by one. This was one of my favorite past-times in high school. Even in the city lights, I was able to see stars and feel, somehow, closer to God.

I rarely make time to look at the stars and feel my smallness in relation to the world. God is so much bigger than my resentments. Why do I need to focus on those? I want to focus on the bigger of the two, let go and grow. I want increased contact and communion with the divine, not the angry feelings I seek within.

I may never make it to an ashram in India, but I have stars here. I have stars anywhere I go (even if they are hard to see). I hope to let go of my resentments, forgive and let go into the deep abyss of God's unfailing love.

life without hot tea

If I could imagine a life without hot tea I may become the saddest person to walk the earth. Although this may sound somewhat dramatic, I truly could not have a life without tea. I rarely drink coffee anymore and have my cup each morning with my journaling and reading (as you know from my previous post, is a MUST).

My tea kettle
My favorite mugs
My tea baskets (when I am feeling adventurous to create my own concocktion)
My tea pot (when I need multiple cups at one)
and ALL my varieties of tea

So this is to say, "A life without hot tea? I will not have it!"

Drink

my journal

My beloved journal now has its own drawer where, along with a few choice books, it resides when not in use. I made a firm resolve yesterday to clean out my office so as to clear a space for my little one to have a play area where I work. The next month will be much different than the last few have been, so I am preparing for what is to be something 'new.'

A few things need be said about my journal and process. Today the piece that holds my thoughts is a Mead, college ruled spiral notebook. I use it daily. At this point, I am almost finished with this one and rather enjoy writing on the right side of the page, as my wrist does not have to hand two inches off the paper. I love to write with fine tipped, black ink pens. I like my handwriting better than way and my hand seems to flow much more smoothly.

Now... something about the content. Yesterday morning I spent almost two hours recaping the last year. My husband, just a few days before, went through by each month and wrote out the things we did, people who passed, and milestones for Camden but I wanted more. I wanted to document my growth and change. I wanted to talk about the harder things that happened that may not ever find their way to a "Best Of" list. I wanted to see my pain again so I could appreciate the growth I have made.

Every loss has a triumph attached to it... if I am patient to see the gift.

Some pretty big things happened this year and I am grateful that I have this wonderful friend that helps remind me where I have been.

Eat, Pray, Love

As a Christmas gift, I received the gift of "Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia." This story documents Elizabeth Gilbert's journey though, what her friends coined, the 3 I's. After a rough divorce she sets out to find EVERYTHING in these three countries.

The book is broken down into 3 books of 36 small stories each. Her introduction better explains this significance. I have it on CD, so to hear all of this in her own words is even more astounding. Every time I enter my car, I want to put it on to see where her journey may lead now. I long to hear her sweet, hilarious, dangerously intelligent voice to inspire me to write more. Hearing her writing style is urging me to write more and more. I admire her eloquences.

Although I am enjoying Italy's journey, I often struggle with her pleasure seeking through food. Since most foods she eats are nowhere near in my diet (what with my wheat allergy and all) I often strain to feel her pleasure. Yesterday, after riding around in my car with Liz for an hour or so I came home, toasted some GF (Gluten Free, for those of you who do not talk to me about food much) bread, poured some pure olive oil onto a plate, sprinkled it with salt and sat down to try get the tiniest glimpse of what she must have tasted there. Although mine was probably no comparison, the bread was much like she describes and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hearing her speak Italian and explain the roots of the Italian language is also inspiring me. No, I am not going to set out and start learning Italian. Spanish class in High School definitely proved I am not made for foreign language, but I do long to learn more about other countries. Maybe not Italy. Maybe India. Maybe Indonesia. I guess I will just have to see. My journey may not take me to any of those I's. I may only see Nashville, but I do not have to travel abroad to learn and feel some of the amazing things she encounters.