On Fire

This month marks a year since I first really returned to church. The sabbatical was a time for me to fall into a deeper space with Spirit and find some grounding there. Through yoga, prayer, meditation, Al-Anon and other means, I seemed to find a space that left me open. I was open again to come back into a structured spiritual space. How can a God that seemed so out of reach, seem to be beckoning me once again into a place with walls?   

For the past twelve months, I have felt a calling back to The Gospels and, over time, even the Old Testament. I love the Liturgical services that bring a little of each into every service. This week, we read Exodus 3, leading into the burning bush. This story used to mean something so different to me. It was a reminder how I always missed something. Why couldn't I see a burning bush with a message in it?

This time around, the message was that the bush was not consumed by the flames. I think I have heard that before and, yet, I never noticed. The bush was burning, and not consumed by the flames. In the midst of service, I heard, "You have not been consumed by the flames."

It has seemed flames have been raging around me for the last two years. Maybe they have always been there and, once again, I have not noticed. Perhaps I was in survival-mode before. I can feel the heat of the flames and I have not been consumed. Moses and Noah (this is another post all together!), names of my youth with stories of supposed condemnation, seem to be calling out to me to know a God bigger than all of this. This God is bigger than a judgmental flood to be feared or a burning bush that's presence always seemed to allude me. This God just might care about my everyday life.  This love just might want me to thrive and truly live.

Life isn't about finding ease, although that is what I thought. Life seems to be more about doing what's right. Doing what is right is usually not easy. Many times it is simple, but ease is not lingering. To truly live, it just might mean that I have to choose the path of least resistance - the path that isn't the easiest way. The peace is what lies beneath the struggle - the message below the flood and flames. What is the message below the flood and flames?

"I am here; you are here. Let's do this!"

One moment at a time, I can do this and I am never alone. It seems I have found a place with walls that no longer leave me feeling trapped, but has opened my mind to a new awareness of the God of my understanding.

Blessings!

Where Have You Been?

It has been a month since I posted. Why is that, you ask? Well, life has moved out of Summer Mode and into full-swing. Homeschool has geared up again, and this is taking a great amount of patience and self-improvement. My new job has entered into a new phase, with my self confidence growing and a great amount of discomfort. Our home still has things that need completion and we are working on making decisions about that. Plus, life in general - relationships, marriage, parenting, friendships, and health. So that is where I have been.

When I was contemplating what I wanted to write about this morning, I was baffled. My greatest growths this month cannot really be stated in words and most of the lessons were more for me than anyone else.

I am seeking growth in the realm of how to feel calm and peaceful even when my mind, body, and soul are struggling. How can I remain at peace when my body is screaming out in pain? Or my heart is aching?  Or my mind will not calm down?

Many times, breathing is what I do to bring the peace. Sometimes I go for a walk. Other times I sit and read a good book. Often times I watch a show that causes me to shut down to everything. Honestly, even that can be helpful at times.

Blessings!