light a candle; say a prayer

As I lit the candle and sent a prayer to the Universe, to God, I felt something amazing happen. I know Catholics have often used candles as a very integral part of their religious practices. Our church uses candles each week to mark great sorrows or great joys. I began this week lighting candles for certain things and letting them burn as I journal, read and meditate in the morning. There is something rather powerful about the process.

Someone said to me, "It is like you can see your faith." I love that idea. So many things in the spiritual realm are unseen. Our senses are so used to dominating that it makes it hard to be able to see things and feel things without sight and touch. Nonetheless, faith is one of those things.

I was recently reminded about a phrases that Jesus said about give to Caesar that which is Caesar's; give to God, that which is God's. For me, this means I give the practice to God and the actual items where it is due. The reference was to money and this too is another way I have found I can see my faith.

I am not one to believe in the idea that you must tithe (or give 10%) to "God." Money is not God's; money is man's. So, I give money to man (as in a charitable organization) and the sacrament of giving and trust is God's. When I do this, it is not about how much or how often, it is about giving and trusting that God will care for us with or without that $200 (or whatever amount it is).

So today, I am seeing the magnitude of faith in my life and the amazing gift I have of being able to light candles to feel closer to God's truth - to let go of my uncertainties and somehow let them float into the Universe with the flame.

rocked to sleep

When I began this blog it was strictly to be my spot to think and reflect on life. That being said, I thought I would not include my child in that, since we have a family blog pretty much devoted entirely to her. Nonetheless, I simply cannot have a place where I think without her. She is such a vital and integral part of my life that she must be included in this blog, even if just for a day.

I have heard the phrase "Terrible Twos," but I refuse to believe that is will happen to my little one. We decided to call it "Tremendous Twos," since everything is HUGE to her. Something falls over off the table and it is call for total devastation. I have really tried not to loose myself in her fits and keep my composure. I do not react when she is in a place of discontentment, I simply ask her to explain what is wrong and we can usually get through whatever it is.

Two weeks ago her beloved aubbie went with the Abbie Fairy to go see younger boys and girls who need aubbies now. Camden really seemed to take to the idea and did not ask about it but once three days after its departure. Even so, her behavior began to dramatically alter to the point she refused to nap. I work from home, so these 3-hour-sabbaticals had become my time to truly focus on work. I felt frustrated and defeated. I had no idea what I was going to do. Any mom can relate to the fact that when your child does not sleep, anxiety comes.

I refused to accept that she was not going to nap anymore, but to have her just sit and play in her bed for hours did not help me either. Around this time, John began having some great ease putting her to bed at night by rocking her to sleep on his shoulder. She has not done this since about 10 months old. She has loved to fall asleep on her own. Not anymore.

She went back to school yesterday and John started his new job. We all prayed together yesterday morning that John would have peace at work, Camden would have fun at school, John would enjoy his new co-workers, and Camden would have a sweet nap with her friends. It was an amazing process. The three of us simply prayed together and it was so amazing how wonderful each of our days were.

Cam napped at school and daddy had a really great first day. Her nap went so successfully, I had to ask the teacher what they did. They laid with her. Much like the time she had with a John the past few nights, she had with her teacher at school. Her peace and happiness in the afternoon are something I have not seen in more than a week. The nap made all the difference. The Tremendousness of everything is still there, but not in the same light.

So I tried for myself last night. We prayed, read, prayed some more, read some more. THEN, I started to rock. I turned off the lights and rocked with her. She talked to me some about her day, shared with me some of her thoughts and even sang some to me. Then, without a moments notice, her breathing slowed, her eye lashes ceased brushing my cheek and she was almost fully asleep. I put her into bed with ease and did not hear the normal chatter I have heard for weeks.

My observations: 1. now that aubbie is gone, she is in need of some sort of additional affection, 2. I am more than happy to give it, 3. I love this! My frustration hindered me from seeing that something may need to be changed. I just wrote an article for CoolMomsCare called Recalibrate... and that is just what we needed to do.

I feel like we are no where near the end of this. What with John's new job, schedule changes, me working more, and aging, but I have to say I am so grateful to get to hold my little one again and lull her to sleep in a way that she feels comfort and peace for sleep.