Tortoise and the Hare

I know this story: slow and stead wins the race when the cocky and arrogant hare declares he can beat the slow tortoise. I am that hare. I have the tendency to want to race through my life, missing those slow moments, and not even knowing what rest and rejuvenation look like until I am so exhausted that I hit the ground hard, aware that my way isn't working.

Let's abandon the rest of this story and stick with the ideology of fast versus slow. I have the beautiful characteristic of impatience. I struggle with process and sitting with things. I want the answer now so I can be off to the next thing. This is something I am not always proud of. I also have a great struggle with judgement. I want to keep myself as safe as possible as I zoom through my life, and I want to avoid any and all people, places and things that may slow my down or cause me discomfort. Well, there! I was really honest and vulnerable. Now what? I can say all this, and it's all well and good, but how do I continue on with my life?

Today I realized that my focus has to start staying on things. I often zip through something, only to discover, months or years later, that that "thing" is still haunting me or holding me back. So I get the opportunity to really sit with it (and I have learned not to fret about missing things because, sure enough, they WILL come back). This week it has been with my body.

I have been looking for help for months with some chronic pain issues, potential hormone imbalances, and skin irritations that will not seem to heal or leave (UGH!). The first two are not so bad... no one really knows they are going on. The skin thing people can see and I am not feeling so hot about the exposure of these things on my face. That being said, I finally made my way to someone that I believe will truly help me. I felt hopeful, excited, and invigorated when I left my first appointment. I also left with some pretty high expectations about what my body would do with all the new relief.

I think I expected to wake up the next morning, still holding all the freedom and hope, have a clear face, and finally "be ready" to get back to my life. Well, my skin was actually WORSE and I lost my hope (momentarily). I talked it out with a friend and found some peace and now am left with the same space I have been before: Now what?

Patience and trust are things that I hear about all the time. We were exploring baptism with our children yesterday at our church and were going through the lines of what the actual baptismal ceremony entails. The line that struck my most was, "Do you put your whole trust in his grace and love?" In short, "Can I trust the process?" The slow and steady unfolding of my life is how I get to the end of this race. I can take it one step at a time and know that in the end, I will make it.

Blessings on the Journey!