Slow it Down

A few weeks back, I made a decision. It wasn't some huge things or a life changing moment where the clouds opened up, and it sort of was. I chose to say "Yes" to something in my life - something that had been creeping into my thoughts and lingering for longer than the traditional flitting thought. I was actually fairly surprised at how simple it was - to simply say, "YES!"

Over these last few weeks, I have seen things shift in my life. I was in a place, previously, where I felt stuck, trapped and unsure of the path I was on. I wanted change and could see no way out. I longed for something different, and I was allowing my current circumstances and life choices to dominate my decisions.

I love some decision making! Really! I love change and plowing through life at high speeds was always my plan, but I miss a lot when I do that. I was missing a lot. So when life slowed down so much that it seemed to come to a complete halt, I was terrified. Things needed to happen. I became agitated, annoyed and a tad bitchy to anyone around me. I wanted life to start happening and, yet, all my efforts to push life forward where fruitless. I had to sit in this uncomfortable place and surrender. I had to let go and trust the process.

What did I learn? Well, here goes. 
* I learned that to sit still takes more skill and maturity than to plow through life.
* I realized that grief is painful and more freeing than any high from a new activity.
* I see that being stuck is a state of mind, not a state of being. I always have an opportunity to be learning and growing, where ever I am.
* I learned that agitation brings out the best in me - like sandpaper gets rid of all the rough edges of things. This also encompasses the fact that I must be willing to change and grow.   
* I have seen some major characteristics in myself that I was in denial about for a long time - there's no more denying when they are starting me in the face at 3 am, morning after morning.
* I can see that life is not meant to be one new activity after another - there are some pretty amazing experiences resting in between each new adventure. 

Sitting still (or feeling stuck) these last few months (well, maybe even years) brought me to change. I got to slowly marinade in my life, choose some new actions, and feel really uncomfortable. AND, I am all the more better for it. No doubt, it sucked going through it and I know my work is no where near complete. What I can see is that each season of my life truly does have a purpose; each phase is there to take me to the next. The openness and vastness of a new beginning from this new adventure captivates me and I am taking it so much slower than normal, relishing in each and ever moment of this next part of my journey.  I am learning to enjoy the ride.

Blessings!