hydrogen

I had a revelation today. I was sitting with a friend and realized just how different I am now from just six months ago. I saw how much this plays into the relationships I have in my life. I was trying to explain it to someone else and the only way I could get what I meant across was to talk about chemistry. I was never one for ions and bonds, but for some reason it seemed to fit.

Let's talk about hydrogen. Hydrogen is number 1 on the periodic table. I can't remember why, but I think it must be pretty important. For no other reason than I know multiple products with hydrogen, let's say I was hydrogen.

The culmination of adding and taking parts away since my conception brought me to be the product I am today. From any two points in my life, I can mark change and growth. Whether from birth to now, or college to now.

Five years ago when I got married I was one thing that I am very clearly not anymore. I was even more self-conscious than I am now. I was extremely self-richeous. I thought I knew more than most people. I thought because I was smart, funny and a hard-worker I should make $100,000 my first year out. I was extremely controlling. I helped my sisters with all their homework - OK, really I would do it for them sometimes. I was many things I wished I wasn't.

Much like elements, I have been combined with other elements to create something completely new. With hydrogen, you add some more hydrogen and some oxygen and get H20. Although hydrogen is still a component of the bond, it is no longer hydrogen... it's water. So am I. Although I have parts of me that still exist from that time, I am no longer that person. I am something different - something new. Although the hydrogen-oxygen bond can be broken, it cannot be so without some pretty intensive works. So with me. I cannot change the essence of who I am now anymore than I can change the past.

Although I can continue to work and become the person I want to be (and that I feel God intends for me to be), I do not feel this is something imperative to put into this calculation.

I have talked about a clean slate here. I am realizing that I need to have a clean slate with others, too. Just as I am different, so are those in my life. Being married is the perfect place to see just how different you are. Two people living in the same house for years creates quite the chemistry example. Two elements constantly changing to be completely different products... now how can those products live together?

I guess I have to leave my chemistry analogy at the door for this one. I am realizing that choices have to be made. Although the people in the marriage may still have components from an earlier time, time has undoubtedly altered both. The choice is: do you stay and grow through those changes or decide that the chemistry is gone?

you decide!