stubborn

My little one woke up yesterday afternoon from a much needed nap in a wretched mood, not to mention her face was plastered with crusted snot from an abundance of allergies. When she as playing the "this is my mommy attitude match" with my mom sitting on the couch next to her, she threw a slight tantrum and spilled popcorn all over the floor. Part of me felt like I should not make her pick it up since she is not feeling well and it was an accident, but an even bigger part of me realized just how loving it was to encourage her to actually pick it up. My responisbilites certainly do not stop just because I'm having a bad day or snot is not my face. OK, well, I usually do not have snot on my face, but you get the point.

We went back and forth multiple times. I very lovingly asked her to pick up her mess and amazingly I stayed calm, gentle and compassionate through the entire endevour. I remided her that when we make messes it is our responsibility to clean them up. She refused to use words or do as I asked. After numerous attempts, I told her that if I had to ask again she would need to go to time-out. This entire time, our dog was trying to clean up her mess. Not this time.

My mother is sitting there the entire time. I wasn't sure if she would chime in and try to help as she often does and I prayed she wouldn't. There is something rather special about being a mom and having the opportunity to do this myself. Time Out came. She sat in her chair for her 2 minutes and did marvelously. As she was sitting there, my mom spelled out S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N. I sort of coked my head to one side on this one. I know I AM stubborn, but is she? She is only 2? I realized that I had a strong will when I was a child and that I was therefor called S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N. So what does that mean for my little one? Is stubbornness a genetic trait?

As I was journaling this morning, I realized that I want to Parent without Labels. I struggled whether to post this to our family link or here, but I feel like parenting is such a part of ME that I chose here. Parenting without Labels.

When we label our kids as "stubborn," "fat," "negative," or "loud," we are inevitably setting them up to be stubborn, fat, negative or loud. Why? Well, I realized that when I was told something about myself over and over again when I was unsure of myself and still trying to realize who I was at my core, I began to believe what I heard. It did not even have to be true about me. I have always held the firm belief that if I had grown up being told the sky was green and the ground was purple I would fight the the end to prove that to be true for others. The same holds true here.

Heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?
The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come 'true'. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.
For me to label my little one as stubborn will only perpetuate the overall outlook of self. I'm not a psychologist, but I know parenting. The let her know she is ACTING stubborn is different than calling her stubborn.

It reminds me of an article a friend reminded me about a few weeks back. No one wants to be labeled for any reason. Really, my daughter is only 2 and is in no way defined as being one way. I am 27 and still am not fully convinced I am defined. I am constanly changing (for the better, I hope)! So as for today, I am not going to call her S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N, maybe just boog like I alway have.