Community Grace

How does one make it through each day, when the shit has hit the fan, you don't think you can go on (or let alone breathe), and life is still coming at you strong? I have no idea!

Really, though, making it through the day-to-day, real-life, get-up-and-still-make-your-kids-breakfast when you are dealing with grief and pain is full of anomalies. As the raging water roars inside of you, how can you keep moving forward? There are choices, no doubt. You can shut down. You can plow through and pretend nothing is going on. You can cry throughout your day, reach out for help, ask for help, and do life at 50% for a while. You can make lots of mistakes, and, in the end, end up seeing yourself more fully than you ever have before.

Typically, when I was struggling with something, I would plow through my day, continuing with the to-dos of my life and not slow down until I was thrown down to the ground because I couldn't handle it anymore. Then, I would, most likely, talk to the better part of a pack of women throughout my week, never really connecting to any one, then still feel empty and alone inside. This was a way to keep people at a distance, but my conversing with others somehow convinced me that I was sharing and being honest. 

I had a very important person in my life help me to see that sharing all the "dirty laundry" of my life with everyone around me might not be the most beneficial thing for all involved. So, I quit talking. OK, if you know me, I never stop talking all together, but I quit talking about me and my life. I lived in my journal and on my yoga mat. This was a beautiful place for me to reside for a time, with the internal nature and deep connection to my God that I really needed to foster. After a time, however, it was time to go out again, but I was afraid. I was afraid I would go back to only partly sharing with a myriad of people, only to be found alone and still lost. I prayed for guidance and decided on a handful of people that I have been doing life with for quite some time. I felt safety and comfort in this, and, still, some terror. I was about to truly be seen and know for who I am, 100%! I didn't put all my eggs in one basket and I wasn't going to half-ass this thing either. I was ready.

To walk through grief with a yoga mat and journal in tow, along with a Higher Power that knows and loves me without conditions (that's grace, by the way), is a beautiful thing. It is also impossible to sustain forever. God gave us parts of him/her/itself with skin on and we are called to use this gift - to receive it and say THANK YOU. Teachers appear all around us, and the people that are in our lives are here for very distinct and powerful reasons. I needed to use my God-skinned-clan as I grew. I need to do this still!

The grace in all this is being surrounded by a love of a power greater than myself that flows in an around me through the people around me and all of my experiences. I can't possibly know what all this is for, but I can choose to believe that I am right where I am supposed to be and that each day I am growing more deeply aware of myself, my God, and my fellows. This is building community. This is growing together. This is how we foster love, truth, and grace in the world!

Slow down.
Choose to believe.
Ask for help.
Sit in the discomfort.
Reach out.
Sit in it a little more.
Journal.
Yoga.
Sit in it more.
Allow the Holy Spirit to heal all that needs healing, that you may release all that is no longer needed in you life.

Blessings on the Journey!