in honor of mother's day... our birth story

It being Mother’s Day, it only seemed fitting to actually write our birth story. It seems to be a little late, but it is still as impressive for me today as it was 365 days ago. To tell our story, I mean really tell the whole story, would take too much time, so for time’s sake I will leave out some of the less needed details, but it does require me go back a few years.

December 7, 2005, my husband and I entered Williamson Medical Center after being monitored in the office of our OB for more than an hour for overnight observation because there was the possibility of concern for our unborn daughter, Camden. I was approximately 38 weeks. As I look back, I can see that office hours were about to come to a close and they wanted to monitor me just a little longer, so admitting me to the hospital (after simply thinking I was leaking fluid and really just being impatient with the whole process of being pregnant). I could not sleep. I did not feel one pressure wave (or as some would call, contraction). Part of me still wished I had just checked myself out AMA. Nonetheless, we stayed. A sleeping pill was administered and the night of waking to loud siren-like noises and people surrounding me began. By 5 AM – after an attempt at inductions with a slow pitocin drip, with no physical response - I was told I had no choice but to have a cesarean or our daughter could die. Camden’s heart rate had dropped below 80 for more than 5 minutes on two separate occasions. We were terrified – something I feel no parents should even feel when they are awaiting the birth of their child. Other feelings like elation, excitement, maybe a little fear for the unknown, or an uneasiness, maybe, but not terror! Although I can attribute a great deal of our situation to lack of knowledge and self-confidence about asserting my needs and wants, I do feel the medical practice I was a part of did not give me the information I needed – maybe they did not know it; maybe they chose not to disclose it for legal reasons. Who knows?! I do have to commend our OB, for she did stay at the hospital all night and checked on us periodically, and that is something of note for me to be grateful for today.

At 5:45 AM, our daughter was born by cesarean – 8 pounds, 19 inches. I got to see our daughter for a moment before they took her off to clean her up. There was something rather disheartening having just had a baby taken from my body, which had been there for months, and then not see her for another hour or so. My husband did get to be with her, which was encouraging. I was in recovery and they brought her in. Beautiful, precious, amazing, yet something in me felt like a failure. My dreams for the natural, drug-free birth had ended in a C-section. I struggled to nurse. When my milk did finally come in days later, I was a milk factory and did not know how to not drown our daughter when she nursed. I stopped nursing soon after. Only years later would I truly heal from all this.

We found out we were pregnant August 2008. I knew this time would be different – not only because I was bound and determined to have a different birth, but because I was also more assertive and confident. We chose to use the Vanderbilt Nurse Midwives. We chose to take a Hypnobabies course through 9 Months and Beyond. We got a Doula. I saw a lactation consultant early on, as I was lactating at 20 weeks. We had a plan. I was sure we would not lose our voice again. I exercised. I did not gain as much weight as I had in the previous birth. I did my Hypnobabies homework and really went deep into myself to say things like, “I’m going to have an easy, fast and comfortable birthing” over and over.

I knew it would be different. I knew it would be the birth I so deeply longed for. We had a plan at home; we had a plan for the hospital. Although both were rather extensive, we were ready to be flexible as needed. Our birthing plan was solid and I was ready to advocate for all that we wanted. We informed our midwife and our Doula. We declined just about everything that was optional. We planned to room-in, nurse only, decline any shots or eye goop, and refused bathing. We wanted to be home in 24 hours. The one thing I could not argue on was the Hep Loc, since we were a VBAC family. That was something I did not want, but it was a requirement for the hospital. I did make requests about it though – that it be in my arm instead of hand. Everything was discussed – we asked lots of questions.

Our due date: May 1, 2009. May 1 – 40 weeks – barely 1 cm – no effacement. There was assurance that I could go to 42 weeks before we had to schedule an induction. I was not afraid, although a little frustrated, as I was ready to not be pregnant anymore. The evening of May 7, pressure waves began, consistently. May 8 – 41 weeks – barely 1 cm – no effacement. I had a rigorous vaginal exam to possible help move things a long. We were to schedule an ultrasound for the following Monday, but the offices were closed. I was to call Monday morning.

Pressure waves picked up increasingly throughout the night and on into May 9. By midnight the following evening, my pressure waves were 2 minutes a part, lasting 1 minute. Our Doula had been with us throughout the evening. We were sure it must be time. We headed to the ER. Our midwife was on-call, which I was really excited about. She told me I was still barely 1 cm, but was 100% effaced. Finally, some news that reassured me all these waves of discomfort were helping the process. By 3 AM, she sent us home to sleep, as I had not in days. She gave me a sleeping pill, and I fell asleep on the way home and slept until 7 AM. The plan was for everyone to go home to sleep and meet back at the hospital at 10:30 AM. I took a bath upon waking, and was assured we would have a baby either today or tomorrow. It just happened to be Mother’s Day. Pressure waves were breath taking, to say the least. After kissing our eldest and assuring her we would see her very soon, we headed in to the hospital a little past 9:30 AM. We were in a room, checked in and monitored by 10:30 AM. 6 cm – 100% effacement.

“I’m going to have an easy, fast and comfortable birthing.”

The midwife on call was not familiar with us and had another patient right next door delivering (who happened to be in our Hypnobabies class). It was a little crazy. It was forgotten that I had a cesarean previously, so no Hep Loc was put in. I was monitored for 30 minutes and told I could walk around or do whatever I needed to prepare.
11 AM – I did not want to walk anywhere at that point. I had declined the wheel chair both times into the hospital, so I had more than enough walking.
11:25 AM - I felt like I was ready to push. Not sure when my water broke, just knew it felt really intense. The nurses told me to wait, as I must only still be 6 cm. No way I could have progressed that quickly, right? Well, I had. The midwife was finally able to make it back to us and realized I was a VBAC. The nurse was trying to put in an IV line as I was pushing. I very politely, yet assertively, asked the nurse to stop trying to poke me. As she tried to tell me how to push or what to do, our midwife said, “She’s doing fine on her own.” The Hep Loc never made it in my arm or hand.
I pushed for 25 minutes, without the aid of any foreign object. I listened to my body. I had the love and support of my amazing husband and our Doula. I was present to myself. 11:45 AM – Our daughter was born - 8 pounds, 3 ounces – 20.25 inches. I had an easy, fast and comfortable (for the most part) birthing! I nursed immediately. Adelicia was with us for more than three hours before she was taken to another room. We roomed in. We had everything we longed for. I was home by 1 PM the following day. My husband said, “You amaze me. You are a champ!” We were all inspired!

I’m not sure why I had a successful VBAC. Maybe it was because I was so diligent about not having a c-section again. Maybe it was because I planned really well. Maybe it was because I was informed beyond belief. Maybe it was because I had a Doula. Maybe it was because I was so adamant about doing my Hypnobabies homework. Maybe. I really do not know why it worked out the way it did. Maybe... Just maybe, it’s because this is the way we were INTENDED to give birth! Our bodies can do this, and did this long before cesareans were “discovered.” I am grateful for both our births. Both brought us a beautiful daughter – both brought me a part of my Self that I would not have had otherwise. Happy Mother’s Day, 2010!