my journal

My beloved journal now has its own drawer where, along with a few choice books, it resides when not in use. I made a firm resolve yesterday to clean out my office so as to clear a space for my little one to have a play area where I work. The next month will be much different than the last few have been, so I am preparing for what is to be something 'new.'

A few things need be said about my journal and process. Today the piece that holds my thoughts is a Mead, college ruled spiral notebook. I use it daily. At this point, I am almost finished with this one and rather enjoy writing on the right side of the page, as my wrist does not have to hand two inches off the paper. I love to write with fine tipped, black ink pens. I like my handwriting better than way and my hand seems to flow much more smoothly.

Now... something about the content. Yesterday morning I spent almost two hours recaping the last year. My husband, just a few days before, went through by each month and wrote out the things we did, people who passed, and milestones for Camden but I wanted more. I wanted to document my growth and change. I wanted to talk about the harder things that happened that may not ever find their way to a "Best Of" list. I wanted to see my pain again so I could appreciate the growth I have made.

Every loss has a triumph attached to it... if I am patient to see the gift.

Some pretty big things happened this year and I am grateful that I have this wonderful friend that helps remind me where I have been.